Oh Rats

My sister recently sold the old homestead and moved to an area that makes a lot more sense for her to be in. In our family, it’s tradition to sit around a fire, cook mountain pies, hot dogs, and s’mores, eat snacks, play games, and tell stories. While we (sisters, cousins, parents, aunts, uncles, niece, nephews, bff’s for life, and on and on) have fond memories of these gatherings (large and small), our paths have diverged in the ways that have benefited the smaller nuclear family units. As a result, the large, extended family gatherings where everyone helps out and shares the workload are just not as feasible.

The oasis

I enjoy my evening fires in my backyard. Lor (my non-wife and lovely love) gave me a propane fire table for a gift (it might have been a birthday or Christmas or whatever reason she came up with to be awesome). As we went into a pandemic shutdown, I created an outdoor oasis on the back porch. Big pillows, outdoor rugs, a pergola with billowy curtains for that illusion of privacy on a breezy day, and the fire table. It’s the kind of space where a girl can read a book, drink a beer, make some music, relax, work, be creative or just daydream alone or with loved ones. I knew my sister needed that for her new place, especially when I saw the screened-in covered porch. She’s a smart one, that sister of mine. She asked me if I would decorate her porch. She was getting a fire table and needed it to be an oasis of her own. Woo – hoo!!!! Goodwill, thrift stores, clearance racks, here I come!!!!

Alright, onward…

So, we’re going to visit on spring break. It’s the perfect time to take those fantastic wooden blinds Lor had found at a yard sale years ago, a set of nesting tables, other small pieces and curtains for her royal highness. We were there for the whole week (can’t be running back and forth like gas is only $3/gallon). Dear sister had picked up the fire table since I’d be starting. After traveling 40 minutes to another Big Lots store for the one she wanted, she discovered that particular design was out of stock. They did have an alternate color available, and the price was right, so she bought it.

time for a visit

I decided to go visit my sister. I got there and waited around for her to get back from picking up her new deep freeze. As I chatted on the phone with my cuz Jay, I admired the beginnings of he oasis. I walked over to the far side of the porch, and a strong odor assaulted my nostrils. I shrugged it off, as puzzling as it was, thinking probably a cat sprayed outside. She did say something was underneath the house the other day.

She arrived home, and I said, “Sister, I hate to tell you this, but something stinks.” She said, “Oh, that’s probably that Decon. Something must have eaten it.” I was surprised that she had used Decon.

We were having a lovely time chatting while dear sister made a quick dinner. While waiting for the oven, we went to the porch to check out the new fire table. I think we’ll get it together before I leave. The top is sitting to the side. She had to take it out of the box to be able to carry the fire table from the car. She pulled the directions out of the box as she told me about the Styrofoam that fell loose from the box when she unloaded it from the vehicle.

She held up a piece of the Styrofoam in one hand and the directions in the other and said, “Just look at this mess.” As I looked at the front page of the directions and then at the piece of packaging, I saw the look of realization come across her face as I said, “that looks like teeth marks.” And together, we said, “Something died in there.”

Return

As she held the mangled paper and black spotted cushioning, I looked her dead in the eye and calmly said, “Put that back in the box. Go in and wash your hands. Don’t say a word about this and eat your dinner. We’re loading this up and taking it back to Big Lots.”

The employees at the store were genuinely helpful. The cashier came to the vehicle, unloaded the offending box without complaint, and set the item in the entry when I warned him it was pretty odorous. The supervisor was a bit rattled by the unusual situation and worked diligently to find an appropriate solution. There might be a fire pit in the back, and she can just do an even exchange. Nope, that didn’t pan out. Maybe another store has one. Let me call the manager. We waited patiently in the “lounge area,” discussing which furniture would be nice in the oasis. As the supervisor passed, I caught his attention, “What about this one?” I pointed to a table that looked pretty close to what I thought she had bought.

I still get surprised by the weird things that happen. It’s a different level of surprise than how I felt in 2020 and 2021. Over these past few years, I have learned and been reminded that strange things happen. Sometimes it’s a case of what could go wrong; other times, it’s the surprise at how unusual a situation is. In this case, the mixture of horrific surprise, weird surprise, what could go wrong, and shared surprise was a new experience.

Guess what, dear reader! That was the same fire table she had initially wanted, and she got an extra discount for the trouble of hauling a dead animal around in her vehicle. The universe responds! I’m not sure that my sister really had to have that particular table that badly. But, I’m glad we had the experience together.

I’m still waiting for her to return to the store and find out exactly what was in the box. The cashier and supervisor were definitely going to check it out.

If you’ve made it this far, I’ll be interested in hearing your reaction. Have you ever found a dead animal in your sealed box?